What would a healthy, happy relationship look like to you?
You’d love to be able to really say what’s on your mind and have more productive conversations, but what if it starts an argument or ends the relationship? What if they think you’re too much? What if you’re not heard or taken seriously?
Maybe you feel so detached from what you want that you find it hard to even think about yourself at all, let alone giving or receiving pleasure. Your energy is all on the other person, wanting to make sure they’re happy. But what about you? Who’s making sure your needs are met?
You know that communication and healthy boundaries are important in any relationship, but for some reason you can’t quite make it stick when it comes down to it.
The first thing to know is that challenges with focusing on yourself, feeling safe to really connect, and advocating for your own needs are a really normal response to emotional root causes that you may have been carrying for a long time.
Even if your childhood felt pretty happy and normal, it’s possible that your caregivers couldn’t always give you the time or care that you needed.
Imagine the scene:
You’re eleven years old, and you’re hearing your parents arguing downstairs again. It’s not explosive, it’s not ‘that bad,’ but you’re aware of an atmosphere. In your mind you know they love you, and you know they’re not angry with you specifically… but there’s a feeling of unease and fear still. You feel a sense of responsibility – that it’s your job to soothe your parents and resolve the disagreement. That expressing your own upset won’t have any effect. Over time, you internalise the lesson that your role is to take care of others, that there’s no space for your own sadness or anger.
You were six when your mum first enrolled you in piano lessons. You were keen to begin with, especially as your mum was so enthusiastic about you starting… but after a few lessons you realised it wasn’t really for you. You didn’t really get along with your teacher, and you felt an amount of pressure that you didn’t really want. You tried to tell your mum that you didn’t want to continue, but you were brushed off and told, “you’ll enjoy it when you get there.” You learned that your ‘no’ would not be heard, that your preferences wouldn’t be taken into account.
As infants and young children, if we sense that our caregivers aren’t emotionally attuned to our needs and present enough to pay attention to us, we learn to shut down and stop telling the people we’re closest to what’s really going on with us.
On the one hand this serves us really well as children, by protecting us from the overwhelming feelings of not being taken seriously… but it can lead to some really tricky relationship patterns as adults, such as constant people-pleasing, running away when things get vulnerable, or shutting down and not letting anyone in.
The coaching relationship is where we can begin to heal some of these old wounds.
Here’s what one client said about working with me:
I would highly recommend coaching with Hannah. I was struggling in my relationships and with intimacy in general. I have had a lot of psychotherapy but was looking for something that combined the mind with the body and also gave me some tools to deal with overwhelm and anxiety within intimate moments or within my relationships, and I completely got that with bells on! Hannah is kind, compassionate, intuitive and she adapted to whatever came up in the sessions, allowing me to feel authentically held and authentically myself.Charlie
There’s a lot of work you can do on your own, but the most effective and lasting changes happen within the context of a compassionate relationship.
Together, we give you new experiences of getting in touch with your feelings and needs, having them honoured and acknowledged, and being truly seen by another person.
Together, we give you a new blueprint for connection: one where there is safety and reciprocity.
Here’s what to expect:
- You’ll learn to get better acquainted with your feelings (all of them). If you don’t have a relationship with your own feelings, how can you talk about them with anyone else?
- You’ll be given tools for communicating more effectively and working through moments of overwhelm.
- You’ll be guided to a deeper understanding of how your past may be affecting your present.
- You’ll be held in a space where everything is slowed riiight down, making room for your whole experience – body, mind, and emotions.
Sounding like something you’d benefit from?
Schedule a free call with me!
This is a powerful process, which takes advantage of your innate ability to bring your whole self to connection with another. Through the coaching relationship, we remind your body and nervous system that being in connection can be safe.
And when you can feel safe in connection, well, communication feels easier. You can ask for what you want. Those anxious thoughts keeping you up at night, telling you that the other person doesn’t care, doesn’t want you – they’ll quieten. And there’s an underlying knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be ok.
My clients tell me that I help them with their boundaries by giving them tools and different ways to communicate, that I hold a safe space where they can really go deep and learn more about themselves, and that they feel supported in connecting more deeply with how they really feel.
Bringing awareness and compassion to difficult parts of yourself is the most powerful place to start. Connecting authentically with others starts with connecting authentically with yourself.
“Hannah offers beautifully soft yet powerful sessions. Using her naturally calm and supportive nature, I felt wholly able to dive deeply into personal reflections and swim in the depths of my feeling sensations within my body. I fully recommend Hannah to support people to feel into their patterns and make embodied changes to their lives.”Emerald May
A bit more about me…
I’m trained as a coach in Psychosexual Somatics Therapy (PST), which is a gentle, trauma-aware method of moving through intimacy challenges – sexual, relational, or emotional. It emphasises nervous system regulation while addressing childhood attachment issues, by combining a cognitive understanding of the emotional root causes underneath the presenting issue, alongside embodied practices and somatic awareness.
I combine this with my experience of Authentic Relating, Non-Violent Communication, and Radical Honesty approaches – for super effective communication that’s direct without feeling aggressive.
It’s a really awesome mix.
Above all, my mission is to support clients in slowing right down and feeling more of themselves. The connection you have with yourself is the most important thing you bring to any relationship with another person, so this is a really important place to start.
In my coaching work I believe that challenges that show up in sex and intimacy are not problems to be solved.
Instead they are clues to show us the parts of ourselves that are wanting some attention and care. This requires working slowly to find these vulnerable places, and working with them gently.
Working with Hannah has been one of this year’s absolute highlights. Our sessions always felt like a friendly, warm and safe space where I could open myself up to seeing myself, my behaviour and my patterns with fresh eyes and from new vantage points. Hannah has helped me gain invaluable insights into myself as well as providing me with tools to keep connecting to, and to keep exploring how I feel, what I need, how I communicate, how I perceive myself and those around me and, most importantly, how to recognise my boundaries and better communicate them to those around me. I am really excited to see where this journey takes me from here. Thank you Hannah for being there at the outset!Kris
Curious about finding out how a healthy relationship could really feel?
Book a quick chat with me!
Is coaching right for you?
We could be a good fit, if…
- You have lived experience of navigating the world as a girl/woman – whether it’s a big or small part of the way you experience and express gender today
- You have some experience already of dropping into your body and feeling your emotions
- Your mental health is solid: you don’t have any diagnoses or meds for depression or other disorders
- You are ready to start challenging the patterns, stories and beliefs that are showing up in your relationships
How does coaching work?
We start with a free call to get to know each other a little better. It’s important that coaching is a good fit for both of us, so this gives us the chance to feel into that. I can ask about where you’re at, and you can ask anything you want to know about me, too. And no pressure – I can also recommend other approaches or practitioners if I feel there might be someone better suited to you.
Coaching is intended to be a short-term engagement (as opposed to longer-term psychotherapy), and as such most clients get most benefit from 5-10 sessions, spaced a week or two apart. The journey is tailored to you.
Sessions are offered on a sliding scale at either $70, $85 or $100 USD per hour (that converts to around £50/60/70 GBP). It’s up to you how much you pay depending on what is affordable for you.
To say that Hannah has been instrumental in my personal growth is an understatement. I decided to approach her for coaching because I was struggling with connecting sexually and emotionally with my long term partner of over 20 years. Throughout our sessions, Hannah and I explored my past trauma and how it has informed my views of myself and, by extension, my relationships. Her coaching style is gentle, supportive, sex-positive, and completely non-judgmental. I came away with a number of tools to help me identify triggers and manage my past trauma through a lens of self-compassion. Hannah offered me a safe space where I could be completely vulnerable as I explored my past, while teaching me to recognize the various parts of myself that have resulted from it. I learned ways of coming back into my body and uncovered many truths about myself that had remained ignored for a long time due to shame. I was sad that our sessions ended, but I feel as though I am now on a path of possibilities.VL
I have experienced long-standing difficulty in my relationship with orgasm. I felt heavy and shameful of what felt like a hopelessly tangled problem… It is something I’ve hoped to tackle for many years, but didn’t know which professional to approach. Hannah’s work has helped me feel able to inhabit my body with more awareness, increase my choices in sex and intimacy, identify my desires and needs and find new confidence to express and explore them with partners. I would recommend a series of sessions with Hannah to anybody ready to place more value in understanding themselves, anybody ready to begin moving through life with more self assurance, anybody open to wonder about their own inner workings… Thank you Hannah, for being a guide and an inspiration!Maddie
“Hannah’s words calm the nerves while creating a space that feels safe and secure for you to go deep into yourself.”AS
My sessions with Hannah were so nourishing and rich, Hannah holds space so beautifully and remains grounded, calm and non-judgmental whilst guiding me to be aware of my breathing, body, feelings and emotions. Each session is different, Hannah uses the space and invited me to move my body, connect with my inner self and gave me tools to practice once I left the session. Hannah has true empathy while remaining professional and helped me with my own boundaries. I really look forward to working with Hannah again.KA
Curious to talk more about coaching with me?
I came to Hannah not sure exactly what I needed, but knowing that I was in a lot of pain and very confused about how to deal with it. Hannah taught me not to judge my feelings and instead get curious about where they were coming from. She helped me find the roots which majorly opened up my perspective on what I was experiencing in a way that I could understand. Now I can begin to unravel each new obstacle with confidence that I will be okay. During experiences of pain I now have a list of healing tools to use to help guide me out of the hopeless place and into a regulated nervous system where I can function. I know it’s a slow, lifelong practice but I am confident that I have what it takes to work through it. Hannah’s confidence in my ability to heal helped give me strength to endure the process. Thank you Hannah! Working with you has made the biggest impact on my healing journey. There’s only so much I was able to do on my own and you helped bring me the rest of the way home.Anon