Hannah Rosemary

Ready to go deep? I help you to have relationships full of reciprocity, trust, and honest communication

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Blog
About
- About Hannah
- Professional Boundaries
Coaching
Illustration
- Client Portfolio
- Sex Positive Sketchbook
Free
Contact

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sexpositivesketchbook

There are actually three ways we most commonly dea

There are actually three ways we most commonly deal with our anger.

Do any of these feel familiar to you?

🔥 You suppress your anger. You pretend it doesn’t exist. This might sound like, “I never get angry!” or “I’m always the calm one.”

🔥 You turn your anger inwards. This often becomes an inner critic voice, telling you that you’re not worthy or enough.

🔥 You turn your anger outwards into aggression. Snapping, shouting, storming off and slamming doors.

Can you see what all of these have in common?

They all involve hiding something, either from yourself or the other person.

Let me explain...

Anger usually shows up in response to fear or vulnerability, and the fastest way to deep intimacy is by sharing your vulnerability rather than hiding it. Connection requires us to show all of ourselves.

Hiding the real reason why your anger shows up, either by suppressing our anger, turning it inwards, or getting aggressive, only creates disconnection.

This often feels a lot safer, because sharing vulnerability is itself pretty scary. So it makes sense that you’d want to avoid it!

But if you want deeper, more honest connection with the people you love then it’s vital that you do the work to find these vulnerable parts and get comfortable with sharing them.

Then, you can try a fourth way: sharing anger along with the vulnerability, in a more heartful way, and using it as fuel for intimacy instead of blocking it.

You can express your anger in a way that doesn’t trigger the other person as easily, that lets them in to your experience and deepens your connection.

Send me a DM if you’d like to learn more about how that could work in your relationships.

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#loveandmarriage #lovetakeswork #ichooselove #couplegoals #talktoeachother #marriageworks #relationshipskills #couples #marriage101 #loveaboveall #marriagebootcamp #relationshiphelp #bethelove #healthymarriage #marriagegoals #starthere #changeyourlife #authenticity #selfhealers #weareallconnected #mindfulness #relationships101 #relationshiptalk #relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #healthyrelationships #communicationskills #dontsettle #healing #personalgrowth

Something that really gets me down is seeing posts

Something that really gets me down is seeing posts talking about how having sex with the wrong people leaves us with negative energy that can affect our happiness and future relationships.

This is often talked about in relation to casual sex, which is described as being less spiritual, or fulfilling, or deep. It’s only if we carefully choose our intimate partners that we can truly enjoy the best, most satisfying sex.

On the one hand yes, of course the choices we make about who we are intimate with will have an impact on us. And having lots of casual sex to fill a void may not be the choice that serves you best.

But any fallout from this is not *because* of casual sex, or sex with the ‘wrong’ people. It’s likely because you have emotional needs that are not being identified or met, and quite possibly some deep fears and self-worth issues that are not being addressed either.

Cleansing yourself of ‘bad energy’ and shaming yourself for having multiple casual partners will not resolve this.

Sure, being more choosy with who you share a bed with is one way to start being more specific about your desires. But if casual sex is a legit desire and you know yourself well, then you do you. And enjoy it.

And if you are stuck in some patterns that aren’t feeling great, then the stuff that’s showing up in your sex life is likely only the surface.

The good news about that is that you don’t have to give up the kind of sex you enjoy. You can simply learn to enjoy it more consciously, without using it to play out your attachment patterns and unmet needs.

EDIT: A couple of folks have pointed out to me that the words "safe" and "sane" are subjective, exclusive, and not helpful. I'll be changing my language to use the term "risk aware" in the future.

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#consent #consentculture #consentissexy #feminism #feminist #feminsta #womenempoweringwomen #conscioussexuality #sexed #sexeducation #sexpositive #sexpositiveart #sexpositiveculture #sexpositivefeminism #sexpositivism #sexpositivity #sexualliberation #consciousness #ego #freeyourself #getfree #innerjourney #inneruniverse #mindfulness #spirituality #weareallconnected #conscioussexuality

Relationships thrive on both connection and indepe

Relationships thrive on both connection and independence. We’re often shown romantic ideals of relationships in the media: that we’ll share the same interests and hobbies, that we’ll be each other’s default plus one, that if we don’t live together and share a bed then there must be something ‘wrong’.

The thing is that relationships that prioritise connection at the expense of independence and autonomy don’t give us the space to grow as individuals, which is just as important as allowing the relationship to grow.

Before lockdown happened here in London, I lived separately from my parter. Independence was easy; the challenge was to coordinate our schedules so that we had enough time together, and that both of our needs for connection were being met.

When we were all told to stay home, we moved in together for a few months. Suddenly there was a very different challenge: how do we maintain our autonomy? How do we schedule time apart when we’re both living in a small space?

This experience showed me first hand how important both sides are.

When we don’t have enough time together, we can feel disconnected and distant. This can fuel insecurity and anxiety for some.

Too much time together can feel claustrophobic and stagnating; it can lead to resentment and frustration.

How have experiences of lockdown affected the balance of connection and independence in your own relationships? How do you manage both of these needs?

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#boundaries #boundariesarebeautiful #boundariesarehealthy #healthyboundaries #setboundaries #codependency #communicationskills #dontsettle #healthyrelationships #heartache #justyouandme #marriageadvice #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationships101 #relationshiptalk #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #attachmenttheory #attachmentstyles #growthmindset #changeyourlife #lovewins #traumainformed #lockdownlife #lockdowndiaries #sexpositivesketchbook

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Recent Posts

How To Stay in Your Body During Sex
How To Break Out of the Cycle of Drama
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