• Relationships

    How To Turn Conflict into Deeper Connection – Part 2: Committing to Connection

    view of two pairs of feet facing each other

    This is part two of a series of three posts about how we can use conflict to serve our relationships, instead of seeing it as a threat to closeness. I recommend reading part one first if you haven’t already done so. Part three will be published soon.  In the first post in this series, we looked at the different ways many of us avoid conflict. Whatever your particular flavour of conflict avoidance, if you want to get to a place where arguments seem like opportunities you can meet instead of threats you need to run from, then I recommend trying out a position that may feel a bit new or…

  • Relationships

    How To Turn Conflict into Deeper Connection – Part 1: Avoiding Conflict

    This is part one of a series of three posts about how we can use conflict to serve our relationships, instead of seeing it as a threat to closeness. Parts two and three will be published weekly on Fridays. A few years ago I was facing an afternoon of practising conflict at a weekend workshop called Authentic Relating Training, and I was feeling sceptical. It was my first ever experience of being in a space where we were being taught to practice conscious communication and self-responsibility in our relationships, with all the new language and different ways of thinking that involved, and it had been quite revelatory. I’d gotten through…

  • Personal Growth

    How To Break Out of a Codependency Triangle

    Do you often seem to be stuck in similar patterns of resentment and frustration in your relationships? It might feel as though you attract the kind of people who bring drama into your life, and no matter how hard you try to solve or fix the situation, nothing ever seems to change. This can feel totally exhausting. Chances are, if you’re reading this, these are patterns you recognise in your life and relationships. If so, you might be caught in a codependency – or drama – triangle. Let me explain more about what that is first of all, and then I’ll talk about how you can start to break out…

  • Relationships

    How Do You Set Boundaries Without Being Mean?

    This question comes up a lot. You know where your boundaries are, and you know when someone has crossed them… But how do you tell them that it’s happened without seeming angry? How do you ask them to change their behaviour without causing an argument? Why is it Hard to Set Boundaries? I think this is a particularly common challenge for women because, within many western cultures at least, we’ve been socialised to go with the flow rather than rock the boat. Personally, I remember being told that I was ‘bossy’ when I was a kid. I can’t help but wonder what lessons I learned – that I had to…