• Personal Growth,  Relationships

    How To Stop Beating Yourself Up for Going Round in Circles

    Have you ever felt as though you’re just dating the same person over and over again? Have you looked back after another breakup and found yourself beating yourself up for not seeing all the same signs, and for making all the same mistakes? Or perhaps a pattern keeps playing out within one relationship, and you tell yourself you’re just going around in circles? It can be so frustrating to notice patterns like these, especially when they’ve caused considerable pain in the past. This is a place I know well, and there’s one perspective which I’ve found really helpful. I’d like to share that perspective here, and talk a bit about…

  • Personal Growth

    How To Break Out of a Codependency Triangle

    Do you often seem to be stuck in similar patterns of resentment and frustration in your relationships? It might feel as though you attract the kind of people who bring drama into your life, and no matter how hard you try to solve or fix the situation, nothing ever seems to change. This can feel totally exhausting. Chances are, if you’re reading this, these are patterns you recognise in your life and relationships. If so, you might be caught in a codependency – or drama – triangle. Let me explain more about what that is first of all, and then I’ll talk about how you can start to break out…

  • Personal Growth,  Relationships

    How To Stop Being a People-Pleaser (for good)

    Ok, so you’ve identified that you’re a people-pleaser. You’ve noticed a pattern of feeling frustrated in your relationships (whether romantic or platonic – it can show up everywhere) because you fail to communicate your wants and needs early on. You go along with it, telling yourself it’s not so bad, until you reach breaking point… which usually ends in an emotional blowout or simply giving up and cutting the other person out entirely. Either way, there’s a lot of resentment that slowly builds and it’s really, really draining. It feels impossible to put yourself first – what if your requests are too much? What if you hear a “no?” It…

  • Relationships

    The Ultimate Guide to Setting Boundaries in Relationships

    Maybe you’ve heard that having boundaries in your relationships is really important. While this is good advice, it doesn’t begin to explain exactly what boundaries are, how you can find yours, or communicate them to the people you’re in relationships with. In my intimacy coaching work, boundaries are often among the first topics I address with my clients, as so many of us didn’t grow up learning how to feel our boundaries – let alone assert them. In this post I’ll cover what boundaries are, what they’re not, and how to start finding and communicating yours. Let’s start with the basics. What Are Boundaries? Boundaries are limits that anyone can…

  • Relationships

    Dating Pattern Interrupt

    If we take it as a given that we will tend to be attracted to people who allow us to act out childhood experiences of love and affection, meaning that we play out similar patterns in our relationships, for better or worse… And if we accept that in order to find these people requires us to experience their body language, actions, words, and tone of voice… Does this mean that meeting someone on Tinder and getting to know them a little over text could function as something of a pattern interrupt? That through the screen, we miss so many vital clues about another’s behaviour that we could end up becoming…